When God Says "It Is Not Best": Sufficiency and Purpose in Suffering

This poem was born out of my eight-year journey with chronic illness. I wrote it earlier this year in the midst of an intense season of surgeries and recovery. We know that the desire of every hurting heart is that God would remove the thorn from us; it was especially my cry the night I penned these words. The ache I wrote of referred to my longing for heaven and freedom from pain, as well as the seemingly unbearable physical ache of withdrawal from the surgery narcotics. I have always loved the imagery of God’s reaching down in tenderness to remind me that He is keeping me here in this suffering for a good purpose. He has not said that He will give relief in this life; however, He has promised that He will comfort, sustain, and not forsake.

I have often pondered the knowledge that many people pray for my physical healing and yet it has not come. It is my prayer that those who lift me to the Lord would know this truth: He is answering in better ways than they can imagine. God’s presence is the ultimate answer and the only thing that can truly satisfy. His presence in my weakness is one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced and the reason why I wouldn’t change the pain I have walked through. This poem is my reminder that I do not walk this hard road without hope, for He has already won the victory. The suffering of this present time will be outweighed by His eventual Heavenly glory!

The Exchange

"Oh, Father," I cried,
“Take this pain away!
This anguish that besets me,
That tempts me to go astray!
My heart longs for You,
And for Your relief,
Will You give ear to my cry?
For I ache beyond belief."


Then God in wisdom
And tenderness said,
"I cannot; it is not best,
But come, child, and lay your head.
I will bring you joy
And redeem your toil,
I will give you living hope
And comfort your very soul."


Then peace filled my heart
And quiet my soul.
"It is enough, Lord,” I said;
"I trust you will make me whole.
I'll gladly suffer
For my short time here,
'Cause afterward I am sure
Gone will be all pain and fear.


In the meantime, Lord,
Many people pray.
They ask You on my behalf
For relief from pain this day.
Turn Your ear to them,
Father, let them see,
That although the pain lingers
You are ever here with me.


You are answering,
Better than they know;
Your presence in my weakness
Means Your power makes me grow.
You work to redeem
And You will not fail;
Your strength will abide in me,
Your grace shine bright and prevail.


I know many watch,
Lord, they want to see
How I will respond to You
And how You will deal with me.
When they look my way,
May they see not me,
But straight on to Jesus Christ;
For He is our only plea."


"This prayer delights me,"
Said God, the Most High,
"For I know your heart is true.
My salvation will be nigh.
This is the old truth,
From my Holy Word;
Because you honor my Son
You shall have a rich reward.


I will shine My light
Through this jar of clay
That they may know Who I Am;
I hear and do not delay.
You are my witness;
I send you now forth,
That the world may clearly see
My power, glory, and worth."


Thus did the Lord say,
And this did He do.
Through the suffering and pain
He was ever sure and true.
Many reflected
On how God changed them,
Using this cracked weak vessel,
I cannot help but praise Him!


Though I know His words,
I stand astounded
At how He is faithful far
Beyond all I imagined.
"Do not be surprised,"
The Lord says to me:
"This begins your reward, for
You have walked faithfully.


You have blessed me
And served my people,
Accepting in surrender
Pain now for joy eternal."
This is the exchange,
Life here for life there.
It is one well worth making,
That to Him I may be near.


God near is my good;
Pain leads to glory.
One day I will be at Home
And rejoice in victory.
With me will rejoice
All who got to see
God's mercy displayed in a
Weak broken vessel set Free.