Wise Women Build Homes: Practical Wisdom for Love and Respect

We, as wives, are an integral part of God’s plan for families and the church. Each wife, regardless of her husband’s occupation, is to be a partner for support, a model for godliness, and ever-growing in the knowledge of Christ. Ponder the following verse.

"The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down." 

— Proverbs 14:1

Can we tear down our own house? Yes, we can! Think of what it would require to tear down a building. If you did not have a wrecking ball, you would have to demolish it board by board. This is how we often tear down our homes—not with one big blow of a major wrecking ball but with our own hands, board by board and bit by bit over a period of time. How could we possibly do that? I’m so glad you asked. We do that very thing when we do not live out the role that God gives us, and instead assume the role that He did not give us. Furthermore, we tear down our relationships when we do not exhibit God’s grace, love, and kindness. Our house should be built on Christ and the truth of the Word, which teaches us that with the Spirit’s help we can live to God’s glory. If we are not living out His Words in our daily life and in our homes, we will experience what Jesus spoke of in Matthew 7:27:  

All of us would say that we don’t want our house to fall. We want our home to be a haven of rest and peace. So what are we to do if it is already falling, and how do we prevent it from beginning to fall in the first place? Just as we do continual maintenance on the buildings we reside in, we need to continually do marriage and homelife maintenance. There are countless shows on fixer-upper homes where a seemingly unrepairable house is transformed into a beautiful home. An expert comes in and makes a dramatic difference. God is our expert—His Word shows us the way to transform our lives and our homes.

In Genesis 2:18 we see that God gave the first bride to Adam. God knew that Adam needed a partner, a “help mate.” This bond prevents loneliness and partners us to meet the challenges and demands of life. The burdens of life and ministry and responsibilities are great, and as Solomon says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will 'lift up' his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).
   
God’s directives are for every wife to live out in obedience. We need to invest in our relationship with our husband, spend time together, and be involved in each other’s lives. We each need to support and “lift up” our husband. There are numerous ways to lift him up, whatever his calling. Prayer is the most valuable avenue to help our husband. So often we realize too late that we should have been praying. That is why it is vital to heed the Scriptures, which teach us to pray continually and for all things! Therefore, there is a need to pray for God’s wisdom and guidance for ourselves and our spouses.

Another way to lift up our husband is by offering encouragement. There will be times when he is overwhelmed, discouraged, frustrated, or negative. There will be times when you feel those very things as well. Listen, be available, find verses of encouragement for yourself and him.  Our words have a great impact. We get to choose whether that impact will be positive or negative. Let's choose health-giving words. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.”

Finally, one of the greatest ways we can support our husband in ministry and life is through showing respect (Ephesians 5:33). In 1 Peter 3:8, all believers are told to have unity of heart, love, compassion, be tenderhearted, and courteous. Furthermore, we are told not to revile but to speak a blessing. Who do we need to lift up in a positive light more than our husband?  We should take our prayers to God for our spouse and make sure that our words give blessing. We should never say anything belittling to him or about him. We should not criticize our husband, nor should we air our complaints by talking to others about him. Many wives join in husband-bashing sessions. As Christian women, we should never do this!  This doesn’t just go for ministry wives but ALL wives.
   
We can help maintain our home and contribute to repair in a big way by avoiding being quarrelsome, stirring up strife, or engaging in arguments. Arguing certainly isn’t respectful speech. Proverbs 21:19 says, “It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.” Ouch! If we don’t argue and avoid being cantankerous, he will have less trouble with being quarrelsome as well. I have found that a gentle answer does in fact end quarrels and put away anger, as we are reminded in Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Many things come to my mind when I think of a wife being quarrelsome, such as nagging, arguing, stirring up, losing our cool, biting back, and finding fault. These things certainly don’t improve anyone’s disposition. We need to avoid this like the plague; in fact, the word “plaguing” is listed as a synonym for nagging! Proverbs 19:13 reminds us that “a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.” While we are talking of maintenance for our home, think of a dripping sink—it is annoying and at times costly. If the roof is leaking, it can have even more far-reaching devastation. These qualities do not build or repair relations.

Furthermore, we are exhorted in Proverbs 21:19 to refrain from being fretful. When we are constantly worried, irritable, and discontent, our home and relationships are affected. The word fretful comes from “to devour” or “eat away”, and that is also the outcome of being fretful. Our peace and harmony and those of our families are devoured. We see a Biblical example of fretfulness in Martha, who was worried about everything as she served a meal. She let the chores take away the opportunity for time with Christ. We often miss the joy of life with our husband and children when we focus on the wrong things. To change our mindset and “heartset”, we need time for the spiritual and must maintain a balance by prioritizing what is most important.  Additionally, we combat fretfulness by replacing those thought patterns with gratitude. Showing appreciation to our spouse shows respect and gives encouragement to him. Being grateful to God for our blessings changes the thoughts of our minds, tone of our words, and helps build our homes.

Let us endeavor to be more like the Proverbs 31 woman—to open our mouth with wisdom and have faithful instruction on our tongue, to watch over the affairs of our household in the fear of the Lord, and then we will receive the fruit of our hands, a house built by God’s truths standing firm in every circumstance and built to His glory.